My Magnificent mind RSS



My Health Anxious Friend

I have this friend. My friend tries to keep me safe; she looks out for me but she can be a bit overbearing. Sometimes in trying to show me that she cares, she actually makes me feel worse.  She causes me to obsess about things she has said, makes me feel unwell and she is generally just a pain……. my friend is health anxiety and right now, I am having to ask her to tone it down pretty bloody regularly! So, how did I meet her? Well, she has been with me pretty much my whole life. When I was younger, I was a very shy child; I felt anxious most of the time but this anxiety generally manifested in...

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Let's talk about suicide

Trigger warning: Suicide and suicidal ideation So the title is a bit of a giveaway, but this blog post is the whole reason that I wanted to be open about my illness. In the hope that I can use my experience to share some of the most important things, I have learnt along the way. I knew this would be tough to write about, but thankfully I am now in the right place to do so. In January of this year, I set a date to end my own life. Of course, I didn’t act out the plans, but that is mainly due to the interventions made by other people. The only way that I can describe how I was...

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How Can I Help?

The first time that I became ill was during travelling through South East Asia in 2012. A few months in, I attended a silent meditation retreat in Pai, Thailand. At the time, I was already struggling. I was having panic attacks but had no idea what they were. This was not the time to start a silent meditation retreat. I felt totally overwhelmed, I couldn’t eat and felt like I was a failure as ‘I couldn’t do it right’. I wanted the retreat to ‘fix me’, but you can’t undo years of stress through four days of being alone with your thoughts (funny that). I had heard stories of people going on retreats and ‘finding themselves’ or ‘finding enlightenment’, so when my...

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The Race is on to Get Out of the Bottom

I had to use a spice girl lyric as it popped into my head when I thought about this subject. So, the past week has been full of family and friends and it has made me realise how far I have come ( I had no panic attacks…. WOOOOHOOOO!) The only thing is after they leave and I am back to my life of recovery, I can’t help but will things forward. I want to be better and getting on with my life. Before I became ill, I thought that things were on track and I was heading in the direction. I can’t help but feel frustrated at times, but I know that it is OK to feel this way....

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